Ego vs. Soul: finding back to my true nature

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Amanda :
“My/ our true nature is beautiful, unique and needs nothing. It is simply, without judgement. It doesn’t want to achieve anything, has no expectations. It only wants to remain in the state of being, enjoying the precious moment.

The soul IS, without ifs and buts .. in connection with the universe and the All she knows that she does not need anything on the outside. For everything she needs, she already carries within herself. The unconditional love, the connection and the purpose. She is greater than anything I can imagine .. because she is everything.

The only thing keeping me from this nature is my head, my ego.. with all its beliefs, expectations, judgements and patterns. All these conceal my true nature, preventing me from feeling this endless vastness and unconditional love. But it is there, lying under the surface and only waiting for me to be able to see, to be able to step into my power and recognize myself for who I really am. I have been very fortunate to get a glimpse of this buried beauty twice recently.. In this power there is no history, no future, no expectations.
Because I AM now, I AM at every moment.

So currently my mind and my soul are having an inner conversation. My soul knows that she is perfect the way she is NOW. She accepts and loves me unconditionally. She’s calling me with her sweet voice, asking me to see, whispering soft words of recognition.
My mind keeps getting in the way of that calling. For my mind and ego have learned by the innumerable experiences of my life that I’m not perfect the way I am. And my ego attempts to compensate this imperfection, looking for acceptance, recognition and love on the outside to balance the perceived deficiency. Not knowing that his perception of reality is based on lies.

My ego wants to attach itself to things on the outside, which makes him feel loveable.. especially to people, relationships, partners.. because it doesn’t know that it can also give itself everything it needs and is longing for. Therefore it is projecting the lack and the neediness on the outside.
My soul wants to let go and give herself in to faith, because she knows that she is always connected with everything, with love and thus there is no reason to hold on to anything, there is no need for projections.

And so the fear and the clinging of my ego… and the love and the letting go of my soul are standing face to face, defining a polarity in me. In certain moments I am overcome by fear. I fall into deep emotions and my ego is telling me the story of suffering and lack. These moments are very painful and I catch myself wanting to run away. But then I turn around look the fear in the eye, with the fierceness of a tiger and the softness of a butterfly in the wind.. practicing to accept my fear, to be with her an to send her love.. knowing that true love knows no judgments, that she doesn’t label these painful feelings as negative, but simply as a state of being.. in deep trust and with the conviction, that exactly this love has the power to transform those feelings into the light.

And the next moment this unconditional love for myself and for everything overcomes me again.. Because love knows that everything is just right as it is.

So this is currently a back and forth between fear and love. But each time I am able to step into the freedom of acceptance.. accepting my fear, anger and sadness.. I feel that the love is getting stronger and the fear weaker.. until one day I can eventually dissolve and transform completely into light.

Gradually I am recognizing all the situations that trigger these feelings in me as a gift.. and I realize that all the forms of my weakness are my true strengths. Because they offer me the opportunity to grow on them, to transform them with my love, until eventually nothing remains except a state of being in unconditional love.

And I hear the ever-growing call, the call of my soul in all it’s light. A certainty that rises slowly in me.. a voice getting louder, like the roar of a lion.. I already have everything, I AM already everything I need.

And i let go and let myself fall.. I surrender to purpose, I surrender to faith, I surrender to love.”

The Illusion of Perception

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Believing your own perception is the objective reality (truth) holds you imprisoned by your own ego.

Our perception is conditioned by our beliefs, experiences and wounds. The way we perceive reality is seen through these programmed filters.

I recently read that 98% of our thoughts aren’t our own thoughts! They’re thoughts of the programming of society, family, friends. We have learned and adapted how to live the truth of other people, but not our own. We have forgotten how to be in touch with our own inner truth (not the truth of the mind!) because all of this noise is covering it.

I have learned to not trust what my mind is telling me.
I know I can’t rely on my mind.
My mind feeds me the same stories, creates the same behaviour patterns again and again.

Freedom is the recognition that you are not your mind.
You are not your stories.
You are that what remains after the vails of the ego mind bullshit are lifted.

But our ego wants us to believe we are that.
It categorizes into right and wrong, it of course always being in the right.
The problem is: all egos believe they are right in their subjective perception.
That’s where the ego mind creates separation.

So is everyone right or everyone wrong?
I think there is actually no such thing as right or wrong.
It’s our mind that categorizes something to be right or wrong, according to our unique fingerprint of conditioning.

The irony is we create for ourselves pain by labelling and judging.
We go into resistance or drama.

What if something could just be without label or judgement?
What if we could just accept and welcome everything the way it is?
That brings piece and freedom to your being because the ego doesn’t have a hold on you anymore with it’s self created misery.

Letting go of the spiritual ego…
Letting go of the thoughts of the mind that think things should be in a certain way, telling and selling you this is your souls purpose, your soul alignment, what you’re supposed to be doing. That’s just more body-mind/ ego/ personality trying to act as soul.

If you can manage to let go of the thoughts telling you how things should be, then you can actually start getting towards where your soul really wants to be and not where your mind thinks your soul should be.

You have to get out of your own way and surrender to the guidance and intelligence of life.

This was the hardest lesson for me to learn and embody because the conditioning and programming of doing and achieving was so deeply imprinted. My existence was built upon it, as I’m sure it is with most of the people in our society.

It’s a completely different way of functioning that is foreign to us, yes almost alien. I felt like I was back to being a toddler learning how to crawl, discovering the mysteries of life with a new perception, shifting the assemblage points into a new reality of soul-based living. (24/8/2018)